relational accountants

Whoever covers an offense seeks love,

but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:9

Here is a warning as to the dangers of using offenses as a way to leverage control of relationships. I believe that most human beings are all pretty good relational accountants. We keep mental and emotional books on people that we perceive as hurtful to us. And we also keep records on the people we feel we “owe” in some way... or people with whom we want to buy favor. And great relational damage gets done when we “collect” on an offensive debt by bad-mouthing to others someone we believe has hurt us. We do great injustices in this way.

This is why gossip, slander, and reputation-bashing are all sins from which Christians must repent. And we must guard our motives. Sharing an offense thinly disguised as a “prayer concern” only makes us more guilty of separating and fracturing relationships. We must repent of our book-keeping ways!

This proverb encourages a better way for us: overlook an offense... seek to forgive an office through loving, biblical reconciliation. Love is the motive behind forgiveness. Selfishness is the heart behind gossip. How we need, as Christians, to model the forgiving reconciliation of Jesus! When we do so, we fulfill His command to love our brothers and sisters as Jesus Himself loves us!