ministering to the anxious

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down,

but a good word makes him glad.

Proverbs 12:25

Anxiety can come from many directions. It can come from multiple directions at once. Here are a few I’ve noticed over my lifetime:

• The Unknown. This is pure fear of being out of control from something unanticipated.
• The Future. Similar to the first one, but somehow more ominous and unsettling, especially when accompanied by a recent loss or a major change.
• Illness. A new diagnosis or a suspected health issue is unsettling at many levels. This is part of our mortality and increases with age. No matter how much we believe God for our eternity, it is still scary.
• Opinions of others. This is a people-pleasers worst nightmare. Some times just not knowing if people or a person in particular likes me can bring overwhelming apprehension and doom. It’s crazy, I know, but it is my anxiety talking when I feel it.
• Expectations from self or others. My own expectations of myself can be very unrealistic and create stress, as can pressure from things like job, relationships, or economic need.
• Guilt. Sometimes my heart is anxious because I know I have been sinning to get what I want, I keep sinning against this knowledge, and anxiety ramps up over the conviction of sin as I run from repentance. This is the worst anxiety.

The remedy to such times in this proverb: “a good word”. Communication is a key to anxiety relief, particularly communication that is “good” —- ultimately from scripture. Encouraging talk from people who truly care helps. My experience is that it is not easy to get this, particularly if you have lost your main encourager. Sometimes I feel like I have to constantly “fish for it” and actively draw out kindness from others. That does not help anxiousness. It feels like it is up to me then to make people into encouragers. 

This experience has changed how I want to help people. One tip I am learning is to ask hurting people very regularly NOT “How are you doing?” (I will get a pat answer to move me along), but instead I try to have a conversation and then drill into the details of that conversation about where they are in life right now to ask “Can I help you (specific need inserted that I found out in conversation) right now?” Anxiety needs that level of attention, not a litany of critical examination. I know that this is what my heart needs in this season of grief accompanied with anxiety. It hurts to reach out to others and then have to begin the conversation and then admit I am scared. I frankly am not going to do it because if I have to take the lead, I doubt the person really cares. 

But when someone shows up, dives in deeper, and offers tangible time and help… I WILL let them into this mess to help clean me up! THAT is a “good word”. It is spoken with true care to real need, entering into and helping change an anxious situation.