Remember my remembering.

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,

the wormwood and the gall!

My soul continually remembers it

and is bowed down within me.

Lamentations 3:19-20

Biblical lament cannot remain mere complaint. It must focus reflections and remembrances of suffering to a better place. It must bring them to God. This lament marks a turning point in the book of Lamentations. The prayer here starts to move biblical lament to that better place. It does so by praying that God would remember what the sufferer remembers.

What is remembered, and what is asked of God to be remembered are experiences of pain in the midst of grief. Four defining sorrows are asked to be remembered by God. Two are actual descriptions of experiences, two are metaphoric, all of them are personally painful.

1. Remember my affliction. The first appeal is for God to see, understand, and recognize suffering. The word used here for suffering denotes primarily the mental misery that is suffered. It might be more accurately translated: “Remember my depression.” God… my soul is troubled, sad, miserable, wrapped in negativity, and broken.

2. Remember my wanderings. One is tempted to see this as confession, something like, “Lord, my soul has moved away from You.” But the word used for wandering is more akin to the concept of an outcast. A more realistic translation is this: “Remember I am a refugee.” God… my soul is homeless. I am lost. Suffering and loss have so transformed my landscape that I feel I am a man without a country of my own.

3. Remember my wormwood. Wormwood is a very bitter herb. Likely hemlock, a poison, Hebrews used it as a metaphor for being cursed. God… I am bitter, untouchable, undrinkable, a wormwood curse to those around me who struggle to touch me as they fear they too might have to know my pain and misery. I am a poison because in me they see the potential for their own loss… a pain they cringe to ever receive. I used to be the same way.

4. Remember my gall. Gall was used as a numbing agent. It was mixed with vinegar and offered to Jesus on the cross. He refused to be numbed in His suffering. But grief may lead us to try unsuccessfully to numb our suffering in a multitude of appealing ways. Sirens sing to allure us with beauty and false songs in an attempt to numb us, only to wreck our souls further on the rocks of misery. God… You know my many unsuccessful and sin-filled attempts at relief. I am disappointed that I have disappointed You. By seeking to briefly numb my pain, I have only made it worse.

Bringing these experiences to God is indeed the turning point in lament. I accept that all of them have been true of me, and the next loss I experience, I will be tempted to see them amplified in me. I must trust that praying for God to remember what I remember begins to bring a new way to me… a way of healing… a way of mercy… a way of new life. Thus in turning to God, I engage faith, which is the only way out of these four defining sorrows.