weaned from my demands

O LORD, my heart is not lifted up;

my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things

too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,

like a weaned child with its mother;

like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the LORD

from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 131

Anxiety overwhelms me if I go too far into territory only God controls. Two particular interrogatives mess me up: “Why?”… and “When?”. Those questions have often sought to control my mind this year especially. They turn me into a terrible demanding spiritual crybaby. “Why did this happen?” “Why do I have to now live this way?” “Why did you not answer my prayer as I, and so many others, desired?” “When will I be happy again?” “When will I not feel so bad?” 

I put all these questions in the category of “God questions” that I cannot possibly answer, even as they sometimes pour out of me. I realize that they represent, as David describes here, things that are too great and too marvelous for me to know… unless God chooses to reveal the answers. I must learn to calm my soul when such toddler-tantrum questions start to control my thinking.

And it takes growth in order to calm and quiet my soul. The image of a weaned child captures the spiritual task perfectly. The questions that drive me to God are filled with demanding want. There is no self-discipline to them. Like an infant screaming until mother’s milk is offered, I only think of what I think I need from God, little loving Him, incessantly demanding from Him. I only see Him in those “why” and “when” questions as an immediate gratifier, not a mighty God Whom I should submit to and obey. Yet He will still hold and nourish me, even as He moves, by gentle denial of what I think I crave, to mature me in my wants and self-control.

So I must calm and quiet my soul. I must recognize times where my emotion starts demanding from God rather than worshiping and resting in Him. I must recognize just when my questions start turning into tantrums. I must learn to feed myself on scripture, on the journaling of God’s past faithfulness in past seasons of difficulty, on the strength of what others say and do for and with me in Christian community and fellowship that helps me be more reliant and patient. I must choose to let all those experiences calm my anxious, screaming need, and then I can feed well on God’s always abundant provision, mercy, and the countless daily gifts He has given to me as my loving Father! “…like a weaned child is my soul within me.”

God the king

The King in his might loves justice.

You have established equity;

you have executed justice

and righteousness in Jacob.

Psalm 99:4

Four words from this outburst of observational praise about God get my attention as I meditate on the meaning. The subject of my meditation is “God my King”. He is my authority. He rules over me, and all the universe, with absolute authority. And as God rules, these four aspects of His character rule it all quite well.

1. God is a mighty King. He has all power. Nothing is greater than our God. And no matter how strong a present circumstance feels to us, it cannot be a greater ruler of our souls than God is. He sends all that we experience our way for His glory and for our good. This is His power and might at work to change us and bring us into the experience of living as He wills it. And no earthly power will stop His rule or His good from being done. Jesus lives as our King in His might!

2. God loves and establishes justice. God is decisive in the way that He acts and He corrects what is truly wrong in us and in our world. He sees when injustice runs rampant in society. He is not powerless, but is acting in His timing, with absolute justice, to judge and correct this world. I need not feel this life is unfair because Jesus is the justice and the Judge over it all. God loves for His justice to prevail. It will. It always does.

3. God establishes equity. Equity differs from justice in that justice will judge what is wrong while equity will reward what is right. God sees and knows hearts. He will take care of those who by faith are faithful to Him. We should celebrate this truth and patiently wait for those rewards, even in seasons where injustice seems ubiquitous.

4. God brings righteousness. He will restore all things to be truly holy. He applies Christ’s righteousness to those who repent of sin and trust a risen Savior. He will eventually re-create a ruined universe into a new heavens and earth — the home of righteousness. 

O mighty, just, equitable, and righteous King… rule it all now! Amen

joyful noise that I must make

Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;

let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!

For the LORD is a great God,

and a great King above all gods.

Psalm 95:2-3

Pure thoughts of sheer praise emanate from the soul that is truly loving and worshiping the God Who saves! And this morning, my soul, in thanksgiving, wishes to join in singing this ancient song hoping to worship with that kind of praise. It is good to make some JOYFUL noise! And I will raise that noise even now.

God is great! He is greater than the false gods of this world. He is greater than my own disappointed dreams that have let me down. He is greater than all that I can ever imagine. I know this because He is carrying me in my weakness. I know this because He has restored my sense of wonder at life and the amazing world He has created around me. This restoration has occurred even as I thought this world was reduced to ashes. He has pulled me close to Him when I thought I was alone. He gave my weary soul rest in Jesus, as He promised, when I took on His easy yoke. He lightened the burden I did not want to bear, even as He placed the load upon my shoulders. O how great is our God! I will sing with joy and a grateful heart.

Lord,

Your presence has never been far from me. With Your Holy Spirit right here, I confess that although I thought You were far off, You were not. My own selfish thinking created a false sense of distance. And now coming into an awareness of just how close You really are, my soul is not just confessional, but extremely thankful! You are such a good, good God, even when I have been a fool! Jesus is a Friend closer than a brother. And You have indeed loved me more intensely than any earthly lover ever could. The joy of that realization burns the fog off my perspective even as You burn the morning fog outside my window as I am praying this prayer! Joy is worth the difficulty, my impatient waiting and myopic wanting, the darkness that has pushed me stumbling backwards right into You. This has happened as surely as the sunrise melts away the white fog to reveal a path that You refresh with the morning dew upon the short-lived grass which is my life. And though my days are as grass, You have refreshed me to verdant life at Your touch. In Your presence I sing and I celebrate with a joyful noise!

Amen

when my heart fails me (Psalm 40)

As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain

your mercy from me;

your steadfast love and your faithfulness will

ever preserve me!

Psalm 40:11

Overcome by Your goodness

     I fall down

     broken in my experiences

     broken in my sinfulness

     broken by my guilt

     broken in all my loss

Confessing iniquities

     I call out

     overtaken by my sin

     overtaken by my schemes

     overtaken by my imaginative idolatry

     overtaken by my love of a false god

Overflowing mercies

     fill my soul

     spilled out on Your cross

     spilled out in Your tender care

     spilled over from Your love

     spilled into my parched and weary soul

Declaring Your praises

     I worship You

     overflowing appreciation

     overflowing gratitude

     overflowing thanksgiving

     overflowing joy

Illumined by Your grace

     I now see

     You are pleased with Jesus

     You are pleased in my repentance

     You are pleased with my little faith

     You are pleased to make me Your child

Restored by My Deliverer

     I am now aware

     knowing I am always poor and needy

     knowing You always take thought of me

     knowing You will never delay

     knowing I delight to do Your will, O my God!

     

a person of integrity

But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity;

redeem me, and be gracious to me.

My foot stands on level ground;

in the great assembly I will bless the LORD.

Psalm 26:11-12

Without integrity, we have nothing. Without God’s redeeming grace, we have no source for our integrity. And that is what David knew when he penned Psalm 26. He knew that to be pleasing to God, he must be redeemed by a God Who in grace provided the means for him to have integrity.

David knew he would not slip if he stood on the level ground of God’s grace. And so he committed to praise His Lord in the assembly of the saints. He would lean in to a God, Who by the offering of sacrifice at the alter, atoned in grace the sins of His people so that in turn they could walk honestly in  faith and obedience before Him. Even the atoning work at the altar in the holy place was a work of grace, bringing people to God in love.

Hear my prayer Lord,

As for me, I desire to walk with integrity before You and all who are onlookers to the life you have given me. My only hope of righteousness is redemption in Jesus Christ. God, be merciful to me a sinner, for truly I am one! I am broken. I am selfish. I am warped with a selfish gaze that can feign righteousness but is inwardly still wicked. I am incapable of integrity without You! And so, like David, I claim the blood of The Sacrifice, Jesus Christ, as Your redemptive work in me. May Your grace alone immerse me in a righteousness that is not my own. Be gracious to me, O my God!

I can now stand on level ground. Make me more like Jesus. Keep my intentions Yours, Lord Jesus! And You can keep me from stumbling as You raise me up. I will bless You in the great assembly in gathered worship with Your church. I will walk forward with Your gift of integrity and with songs of praise in my heart!

Amen

Blessed is the God Who hears!

Blessed be the LORD!

For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.

Psalm 28:6

My soul will also bless the Lord. He always hears me. I may cry out to Him boldly for I know He hears me. None of us is ever alone. God always hears. He always knows. And Jesus is our promise: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). This is the great, constant blessing of those beloved by God in Christ. And I in turn will bless the God Whose presence is always there. Blessed by the LORD!

Yes, He always hears me. He hears me in my most difficult moments. He hears me in my delight, when I often foolishly ignore His gifts and fail to see His mercies. He hears my complaints. He hears my joys. He hears my sorrows and sighs. He hears my joy and laughter. He hears them all… He knows them all… He shares in them all… He loves me through them all… He gives them all to me for my good and His glory.

O Lord,

You have heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. I am a sinful man, broken by my selfishness to often only listen to my own heart and to seldom truly hear and heed Your Word. And yet, You tenderly and authoritatively break through with a love that is forceful enough to shake me from my selfishness, yet tender enough to hold me and to love me like no other! And in that mercy You pour good, even in what I thought was bad, into my life until I stand amazed and grateful for that spectacular grace! Why would You love me so? Why would You choose to turn the raging storm into a soothing and sustaining shower, watering my dry soul until it overflows like a clear spring of mercy? The only answer I know is that You love Your children. Once You see them through the righteousness of Your Son, You will overwhelm them with Your lovingkindness. Thank You, Lord, that You have heard my pleas!

Amen

Prayer! with an exclamation point

Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!

You have given me relief when I was in distress.

Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!

Psalm 4:1

Prayer can be urgent, wasting no words, wanting real answers. When that is the state of our souls, it is good that we pray. David’s urgent plea to lead off the fourth psalm captivates me personally right now. There are seasons where my lead in words in prayer are exactly like this pattern David lays out. The first words aren’t a quiet and reflective “Dear Heavenly Father…” Instead they flow from an unsettled soul, the words are rougher, desperate, confused, and urgent… “O God… please…!” The directness and exclamation points in David’s first words in this psalm comfort me. It’s OK to want God to hear, to plead with Him in earnest, to roughly cry out in our need, even if our underlying incredulity is driving us to ask of Him.

How many times have I prayed this way in my life? I can recall a few seasons of knowing this kind of urgent prayer. How many times have I been overwhelmed in urgent, emotional, desperate one-sentence exclamations of my soul’s distress in the last five months? Almost daily. Not all day on any one day, but certainly at least at one point in each day feeling like an overwhelming need MUST burst forth to God like a geyser of want from my soul. And I am starting to see that in this season the great care of God is there for me in ways I have may not have appreciated before this season. I will praise Him for this depth of care. I feel His undeserved favor in my bursts of need.

I notice that sandwiched between David’s two urgent exclamation point requests is a sturdy observation of faith. It makes a kind of “sandwich of security” to help frame our most desperate moments:

Answer me when I call, O God!

You have given me relief in my distress.

Be gracious to me and hear me!

Right in the middle of the “sandwich” is faith firmly grounded in the faithfulness of God. And that sweet insight provides perspective and solid hope for my heart to stand upon when my soul cries out with exclamatory “prayer pleas”.

Lord… God of my life,

Thank You that You hear us in our urgent, emotional, sometimes bewildered moments. You bring relief in our distress. You bring peace in our disquiet. You ease our pain and use our sufferings to pour grace into us to make us see Your holiness, Your mercy, and Your great love. May my first response, whether in crisis or in calm, be to seek Your sustaining grace!

Amen