I always need the God of salvation.

Our God is a God of salvation,

and to GOD, the Lord, belong deliverances from death.

Psalm 68:20

On a day in which I will be reflecting on the price Jesus paid to redeem me, I am most profoundly aware of my sin and my brokenness. I am my biggest problem. I am at the heart of my pain. I need a God of salvation. I need a deliverer from death. 

I am forgiven in Christ. I know this. Yet I am still so painfully aware of my need for the gospel. I need to confess sin and cling to a Savior. I need a God of salvation. I need a deliverer from death. Yes, I know I said that just a few sentences ago. But I feel it deeply today as I look at Jesus and anticipate weeping before His cross with His people this Good Friday.

I feel my deep, sinful brokenness acutely today. His Spirit brought me low yesterday, painfully fallen by my thoughtless sins. My broken sin shows up in me in these ways regularly:

• Self-absorbed thinking. Me! Me! Me! What about me! Look at me! Give me what I want! Like Bob Wiley “I need! I need!” I Pharisaically project that I am self-discipled to put others first, but even those efforts can have a wicked bent to secretly be recognized for my “selflessness”. What a fraud I often am! I am disgusting in my self-absorption.
• Inconsiderate actions toward others. I am too easily driven by my wants — “Do I look good?” “What will others think of ME?” “How can I gain attention?” “I’ll do this because others will see it.” And I will fly right past the needs of others in my hot pursuit for the spotlight. I am quite aware that occasionally there is a trail of “hit and run” victims behind me.
• Broken relationships. I have several. I kid myself thinking that the hurts are the problems of others and that they just need to “grow up and get over it”. Jesus reconciled me (born the enemy of God) to the Father. I focus on that this Good Friday. He wants me to reconcile to others. He calls me to humbly confess how I break things with people and I need to own this. The cross has the power to break my relationship-breaking bent. Will I humbly ask others to forgive this in me?
• Disappointment with myself. Like Paul I too often moan “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death!” My sin (not the sins of other people) is what leads to my unhappiness. Why do I wait until I am miserable to see this? I need to focus on the continuous saving work of Jesus and the day-to-day transforming sanctification and growth Jesus wants to do in me as I daily reflect, repent, seek Word wisdom, follow the Spirit’s direction, and humble this proud old self!

Seeing my Savior bear the agony of Calvary so that I might be delivered calls me right now to fresh awareness of my need to repent, entrust my soul to Christ, and show Jesus in this old, broken, weary man. I fall before His cross anticipating resurrection.

O Lord! Have mercy on me a sinner!