humbly hear it out

The one who states his case first seems right,

until the other comes and examines him.

Proverbs 18:17

Good friends and wise counselors will seek to hear all sides of a dispute before forming an opinion. I have experienced the truth of this proverb in every family counseling and marriage counseling situation I have ever faced as a pastor. And in 34 years of ministry there have been a LOT of them. It is crucial to hear things out and to not quickly form conclusive opinions. There are at least two sides to every conflict. And EVERY dispute is a dispute between sinners with unique personal twists, turns, and corruptions. It is impossible for one party to be completely without some fault in any matter for this simple reason: even when we are sinned against we tend to respond sinfully. The result is that change is needed on each side to some degree.

This is not only a true principle when dealing with others, but is is most true of my very own heart. My own conflicts are distorted by my own selfish sin nature. I have no doubt of this. It is why I need to be quick to examine my own motives in the light of God’s truth and the convicting power of the Holy Spirit. It is why I need the gospel applied most in my conflicts. It is why I must seek counsel and accountability with maturing Christians who will wisely apply Proverbs 18:17 to my own situation. It is why humility surrenders to peacemaking, not self-administered forms of incomplete warped justice.

Jesus,

You are the Great Mediator between God and humanity. And You give wisdom to help us, by the gospel, in repentance, confession, and forgiveness resolve our sins before God and our conflicts and wrongs with one another. Help me both to seek godly counsel in my own broken relationships, and to seek Your wisdom to listen well and point to Your mediating work when helping brothers and sisters find Your great peace.

Amen