waiting with

The LORD said to Moses, “Come up to me on the mountain and wait there…”

Exodus 24:12a

As God prepared to give to Israel the laws that would be His revealed will for the newly delivered nation, He offered an invitation to Moses. It is an invitation to come into God’s presence. It is an invitation to wait.

God chose to visibly make His power known to His people at this season. He descended upon Sinai. The mountain was shrouded in thick smoke, fire, and lightning. The ground around the peak shook with the thunder of God’s presence. The people were afraid of what they saw and heard. In the midst of this powerful display, God made His Word known to His people. His power, His majesty, His concern, His provision, and His Word all converged there in that collision of power and Presence at the crest of Sinai.

And then God gives this invitation. He calls Moses to come to the burning top of Sinai that is electrified and rocking in God’s pulsing Person. And there His expectation of Moses is this: wait. “Come up here into my fearful Presence… and… wait.” Moses had heard the thunder, seen the lightning, felt the ground shake, and smelled the smoke. But there was more of God to be known than this… it would be known by waiting in His presence.

It is good to see this story when thinking about waiting on the Lord. This is the first Bible story to SHOW us what waiting looks like from the direct command of God. It informs for us what we really do when we wait. I often feel like I am waiting FOR God. “God, when are You gonna do something?” “How long until You act?” “Will You ever change this?” But that thinking shows I’ve got it all wrong. Instead God, like He was at Sinai, is always right there with me in the waiting. It isn’t that I am waiting FOR God… it is rather that I am waiting WITH God. It is true I may be waiting for a specific work of God, or an answer to a prayer, or for a hope to arrive. But the truth in the experience is, when waiting, I am always waiting WITH God Who is there alongside me. And just like Moses eventually received the Law written on stone from the hand of God and returned back down the mountain, so God will give something amazing as I wait with Him. As I think about and appreciate this, I too can accept that perhaps what I think is fog around me in the waiting is really the shroud of His presence pulling me into waiting WITH Him, trusting Him for the coming clear blessing. 

The waiting is the story.

I wait for your salvation, O LORD.

Genesis 49:18

Here is a brief prayer inserted into a litany of blessings. As Jacob blesses all his sons, prophesying by unique Holy Spirit empowerment the fate of each of the twelve tribes of Israel, he stops to offer this very personal prayer. It is interesting that it is a prayer of “waiting”. It is the very first time in scripture that the concept of waiting on God is clearly articulated for us. As such it is worth figuring out why it is here.

Of course, coming as it does near the end of the story of Joseph, it should get our attention. Joseph’s story from the very start pointed to a life waiting to have God fulfill His revealed purposes. God had given the young boy Joseph some very unusual dreams. They were dreams about his future. They were glorious dreams. They were a vision of a much bigger future than a young boy could possibly imagine. They offended the sensibilities of his situation. They were dreams that disrupted the order of things, even upsetting his entire family.

Joseph waited. He waited obediently as a boy to know what God’s strange dreams to him could mean. He waited as his angry brothers rejected him and sold him as a slave. He waited as the head of Potipher’s house. He waited in the royal Egyptian prison. He even waited for the final fulfillment as second in command of the Egyptian empire. He waited as God brought his family back into his life. But Joseph himself never speaks of this waiting. It is just unfolded for us in the narrative. Yet here, his father Jacob hints at all that waiting in his small prayer. It is easy to miss. But all of the story so far was a patient LIFETIME call to wait, through a twist of circumstances as God, the Author of it all, spins the tale of the deliverance of the sons of Jacob through His purposes with Joseph.

Lord,

In a sense, all our waiting then is a patient purpose that You have for us. It is how You write the story! In fact, WAITING OFTEN IS THE STORY! Your pen is carefully inking Your desired story of Your greatness and our salvation across the blank pages of our lives. You are the Author of eight billion plus stories right now at this moment! Each unique. Each a love story of the gospel. Mine is just one of them. And as I wait, may I be patient. May I marvel at Your greatness, at the characters You have alongside me, and most of all, at Jesus, the Great Hero of all these stories! Waiting on this story right now is worth it. I too have dreams… many interrupted… feeling disrupted… yet I will trust the plot lines will come together, resolving beautifully in Your grace! Waiting in the story You write is worth it. I wait for Your salvation, O LORD!

Amen

straight or crooked?

Whoever walks in integrity will be delivered,

but he who is crooked in his ways will suddenly fall.

Proverbs 28:18

The best possession any person can have to gauge the impact of their life has to be integrity. Rich or poor, famous or unknown, powerful or pawn, all of these are insignificant once compared to character. It is integrity of character that matters most of all. Our impact depends upon character. Our families depend upon it. Our hopes rest on the righteousness given to us, stewarded by us, displayed by Christ in us for the world to know. Integrity is therefore the most important thing. Get character! Hold to integrity! Really… in the end… it is the only thing!

This proverb tells us that integrity gets us through the hardest situations. It promises deliverance for the person of character and commitment to following God’s ways. Of course Christians are given the righteousness of Christ, are equipped to choose to be holy as He is holy, and are led by His Holy Spirit. We are given every integrity resource possible to enjoy the promise in this proverb. We can walk “straight on” (integrity has the poetic word picture of a straight and clear path elsewhere in scripture) with integrity. We are without fault (the Hebrew word translated “integrity” means “unblemished”) before God as His Word and truth direct our ways.

But the opposite of integrity here in this proverb is crookedness. The meaning of crooked is “perverse, twisted, or knotted”. Without the integrity Christ provides, this is our default condition. We still fight it with sin natures within us. We are hopelessly bent and twisted, unable to straighten ourselves. And the end of this twisted character? … sudden calamity. Without integrity a life is doomed. It’s that stark of a difference! With integrity— deliverance. Without it —- doom!

Lord Jesus,

Help me live with the integrity that You alone give to me… driven far away from my twisted thinking and my crooked ways by Your righteousness! Make my paths straight! Propel me with integrity to bless others until, led by Your truth and Your Holy Spirit, I arrive at the gates of my eternal home that Your righteousness has made for me.

Amen

Cold Water / Good News

Like cold water to a thirsty soul,

so is good news from a far country.

Proverbs 25:25

Bring the glass… give me a drink

weary, thirsting from what I think

I need better thoughts to fill my head

something peaceful on my bed

Tired of hurting, tired of pain

dry and needing refreshing rain

I long for something good to hear

Bring that water! Bring it near!

Cold water to my thirsty soul

is what this heart craves to know

so in Your Word I search and pray

Lord, quench my thirst to start my day!

The gospel saves and sets me free

from endless, craving, thirsting need

Jesus fills up this empty soul

renews, refreshes, makes me whole

Like a chilled glass in my hand

this saving news from far off land

comes from heaven to earth to me

then liberates and sets this soul free

From heaven’s far country to earth’s dark shore

Jesus came to redeem us forevermore

Brings saving grace and life abundant

brings power over death, victory triumphant

Holding this glass in my hands, I drink

and smiling now, joyful, I think

of all God’s grace poured out for me

I see now with the insight of eternity

What God began in Jesus at the cross

recovers for me everything once loss

Good news brings joy in all I see

Good news, cold water, joy from the Far Country!

“peace from trouble” - a biblical lament playlist

This post is a deviation from my normal blogposts on scripture. I post it as a kind of palate-cleansing set of thoughts at the conclusion of this series on the book of Lamentations. Think of it as that slightly savory cheese and cracker at a wine-tasting… meant to help you appreciate the tastes you’ve had and those yet to come. 

I have found music to be very healing and helpful in processing my need for peace beyond loss. But honestly, I LOVE MUSIC! I mean I really love music… all kinds… all the time. So what resonates with my soul, may not do so for you. But with that disclaimer, I will let you in on a playlist I have developed over the last few months. I play it every morning as part of each start of the day. These songs aren’t losing any meaning to me anytime soon. I’ll give a little explanation as to WHY each one is meaningful, and I hope you’d find them enjoyable too. Hyperlinks will take you to each separate song.

1. “Ulysses” by Josh Garrels from his album Love & War & The Sea In Between. This has been flat out one of my favorite albums for a long time. And this song defines my conviction that the ancient Greek concept of “Thumos” as the fire inside each man’s masculine soul is crucially important. It seems at least to me to be part of the image of God, but of course, the Greeks went goofily polytheistic with it. Discernment is a must. (Good blog posts HERE and HERE if you wish to explore further.) I was raised in a weird mix of “proto-hippie” anti-authoritarianism and hyper-fundamentalist dogma, which meant from the age of 8 to 14, we had no television in my home. Instead, my mom pushed me to the glory of books… particularly the classics. She ordered a mail-order collection of classics with a new volume arriving in the mail each month. And when I first read Homer’s  “Iliad” and “Odyssey”, I never got over the adventure and the romance those epic stories told. This song captures that “thumos” fire… that romance… that epic motivation. And I realize that the last eight words of this song will be my Odyssey… a fulfillment I will only know when I sail my ship back, not to Ithaca, but into my eternal home. And this driving passion is comforting. I will let it carry me… both to any new adventure…  and eventually to the finale of the story where I confidently know those last eight words will make the fire’s burning worth it all.

2. “Steady” by Loud Harp. It’s the chorus of this song that comforts and mystifies at the same time: “You’re the joy in the middle of my pain. You’re the peace that I cannot explain. You’re the love I’ll never escape. You are God.” Plus the song has a river in it… I’m practically aquatic, so that flows a special comfort into my soul as well!

3. “Is He Worthy?” by Andrew Peterson. The questions and the litany back and forth in this praise song are the questions of life… asked plainly, almost disturbingly so. I LOVE IT! And Jesus is the only One able to answer these questions that haunt us in this broken place! After Rich Mullins died in a horrible accident in 1997, I thought there would never be a more authentic singer/songwriter on the Christian scene. Fortunately I later found Andrew Peterson to restore my hopes. This is just wonderful worship. And real!

4. “Far Kingdom” by the Gray Havens. A band named for Tolkien’s concept of heaven? Yeah… gotta love that. And this song, mixing biblical imagery and Tolkien metaphor is a wonderful perspective builder. The last verse just makes me weep with the realization that heaven already knows my name! Umm… and another river in the chorus!

5. “Gratitude” by Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors. I am indebted to my niece for the notion of “Sacred in the Secular” when it comes to music. I find something holy in this song. Not a Christian band necessarily. Not a Christian song exclusively. But it captures gratitude better than anything I’ve ever heard… lots of these little things add up to overwhelming thankfulness. And I am OK with that “first sip of whiskey” line… I may be Baptist, but I am pretty sure when it comes to Bourbon, I was actually born Presbyterian!

6. “Long Journey” by Sarah Jarosz. Again “Sacred in the Secular” going on here. My son introduced me to this 4 time Grammy winner (all before age 30). She is a gifted song writer and musician. Hard to believe she wrote and recorded this at the tender age of 19… another “Odyssey” song (this time from a feminine perspective) and also a love song. Sarah helped me give up my grudge against love songs with this one. I can listen to them again now. And her voice… I want it in my ear as much as possible. 

7. “Broken Heart” by Andy Gullahorn. Like Andrew Peterson, another authentic voice that fills the Rich Mullins gap for me. I have used lines from this song in counseling for years… my favorite is this: “A broken heart is better than one that doesn’t feel”. Yes… Yes it is. The last verse is a wonderful worship reflection.

8. “Psalm 13” by The Corner Room. This band does scripture songs exclusively. I mean the lyrics are ONLY scripture quotation. Great to learn some scripture memory. This one is good lament… “How long O Lord?” Plus it is bluegrass/country with some banjo pickin’ and fiddle-playin’… and that sound is hard-wired in Burch DNA… the music of my people!

9. “Doubting Thomas” by Nickel Creek. This will be controversial I know. I hope Chris Thile has not fully deconstructed his Christian faith, but that is entirely possible. Still this tune is NOT about rejecting God. If you listen carefully, it runs to God, with doubt. The last verse is a clear prayer for forgiveness and a commitment to believe despite doubt struggles. The line that gets me the most: “Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face, then I beg to be spared because I’m a coward.” Also that repeat of “O me of little faith”… Yep. Been there.

10. “Jesus…” written by Rich Mullins, performed by Ashley Cleveland. This is from the record Rich never got to finish. But his band took the songs and rough recordings Rich left and several singers lent their talents. This is such a powerful song… all the way through… lyrics that squeeze the doubt and difficulty right out of my thinking and blinding me with the light of Jesus! The last line lingers hauntingly… “Feels like the devil’s rolled a stone onto my heart. Can You roll that stone away?”

11. “Pastures New” by Nickel Creek. Just a wonderful acoustic instrumental song. And it evokes some Psalm 23 imagery. For me it is the simple melody and counter melodies back and forth between instruments that bring a sense of calming peace.

12. “Jesus is Better” by Austin Stone Worship. This worship band just consistently produces some wonderful music. I need this simple three word reminder… a lot. “…in all my sorrow, Jesus is better, make my heart believe.”

13. “Psalm 23” - by The Corner Room. Another scripture song… this time the most recognizable scripture in all the world. So good to know a Shepherd is leading me …even in the valley of the shadow.

14. “Lord From Sorrows Deep I Call (Psalm 42)” - by Matt Boswell & Matt Papa. A modern hymn… majestic… biblical… powerfully captures both lament and hope. “When all I possess is grief, God be then my treasure.” A new favorite of mine as well.

15. “(144) Steadfast Love” - by Loud Harp. Yet another Psalm set to music. It is “steadfast love”… grace… that gets us through the hardest times, showers the good times with outrageous joy, and takes us all the way home! And God Himself IS that steadfast love… It is not PART of Him, It IS Him!

16. “All Because of Christ” - Austin Stone Worship. Play this song at my funeral! It is the song that most defines my life. If there is anything in this man at all… it is because of Christ. “…though the things of earth may fall… You will remain. ..If I stand and see it through, if I stay the course and make it home, if my heart is overwhelmed with peace in the storm, it’s all… it’s all because of Christ.” This is Odyssey “thumos” fire redeemed by the True Warrior King!

17. “Farther Along” - by Josh Garrels. I bookend this playlist with a last one from the same album that started the list. This remake of an American gospel song with a modest hip-hop beat behind it is awesome. Josh’s ability to do a sing-song slow rap of the verses is a complex, thought-provoking, spirit-lifting sermon in and of itself. And the journey goes all the way to the final destination… a reminder of the true voyage that “thumos” fire is fueling. “So cheer up my brothers… we’ll understand this all by and by.”

three truths to resolve the “why” dilemma

But you, O LORD, reign forever;

your throne endures to all generations.

Why do you forget us forever,

why do you forsake us for so many days?

Restore us to yourself, O LORD, that we may be restored!

Renew our days as of old…

Lamentations 5:19-21

The hardest question to wrestle with in times of grief is the simple three letter interrogative: “why?” And it almost exclusively is the question that is impossible to answer. 

Why? 

Why, Lord? 

That is the question at the heart of this passage.

Looking carefully though, we can see that question is surrounded by hope both before and after the question is asked. And what Jeremiah shows us is clear: “Why” is a natural question to ask in our grief. God is the supernatural solution to get us over the impossibilities of our “why” questions. Three truths about God help to settle our hearts when “why” troubles us.

1. The Lord Reigns. God is our ruler. He is in control. He has been in control forever. He will always continue to be in control. His rule extends far beyond our limited understanding. His reign is for generations past and future to whom He has always been and will always be faithful. The pesky little “why” in my moment is rightfully resolved by His eternal rule and reign alone. This big picture diminishes my need to have the answer right now. God is in control. He is sovereign. He is good. My experience then will resolve before HIS THRONE forever.

2. The Lord Restores. God controls this outcome. We never do. We can’t. So we must trust the One Who restores. And all of scripture compels me to believe that He Who has restored all things through the blood of Christ… Who restores my soul… He will restore all my lingering confusion and so I must trust Him. He began a good work in me. He will complete it. My confusion is not an impediment to this! God WILL restore joy, life, love, and meaning to me. I need only keep looking to His resurrected Son to know this and see it is already coming!

3. The Lord Renews. My prayer is to be renewed. And as Lamentations has already shown us, new mercies are revealed by God day after day… every morning I arise to a sunrise of renewal! I am a new creation in Christ. The old has gone. Behold, the new is coming! I can trust that the new is already at work in me… today… right now… this morning… for His glory! Amen!

inevitable comparison

Happier were the victims of the sword

than the victims of hunger,

who wasted away, pierced

by lack of the fruits of the field.

Lamentations 4:9

In the aftermath of the destruction of Jerusalem, Jeremiah, in grief and lament, makes a painful and poetic comparison. Two horrors haunted him in the chaos. The first was the horror of the dead left from the war. The army of Israel was decimated. There were no able-bodied men left to defend a city in ruins. Most had fallen at the sword of the invaders. In Jeremiah’s mind those were the “happier” ones… the dead could rest. To be pitied were those left behind to starve in the rubble.

The refugees were gaunt, decimated physically, and traumatized. They were starving and humiliated. Some had done unthinkable things during the long siege. Some had even eaten their own children to survive. In comparing the “happy dead” with the “traumatized survivors”, Jeremiah does what we often do in grief. We try to make meaning from the messages. In so doing we often get a disturbingly wrong picture.

Comparison in grief kills any progress toward healing and repentance. At least that is what it does for me. It gets the grieving soul in a stuck place. It traumatizes and freezes the images in our brains. I tend to fight this comparison battle in three “tenses”:

1) PAST TENSE. I compare my life now to what once was not so long ago. I pine away for the past… even last year at this time seems so glorious. Instead of embracing the treasure of great memories and gifts from God, I enshrine the trauma of losing them. It is a kind of worship of pain. It is insidiously seductive, temporarily soothing, but spiritually numbing. This gets me nowhere. HOW I FIGHT IT: I must confront it when it creeps into my thinking. I must look to God, His Word, and accept a new present that will rework a better future.

2) PRESENT TENSE. I compare myself to others, usually married friends. This is often very prideful and judgmental of me… just to get that out there so you know how sinful any person, even one in grief, can be. If I know of a marriage conflict, I tell myself how stupid they are for fighting with each other. I pass my judgment on them, forgetting Joni and I had our conflicts to manage, repent from, and grow closer by resolving. This comparison makes me Pharisaical and my grief becomes “my law” that then gives me “the right” to exist as a wicked judge. HOW I FIGHT IT: I must repent of this sort of comparison as well. I must accept the reality that mine was an imperfect marriage too, and that it only gave me so many pleasant memories because of what Jesus did to make it thrive.

3) FUTURE TENSE. I only see my present hunger and what I’ve lost, so even thoughts of my future seem to be impossible to accept. Future hope exists as a kind of doctrinal statement, fuzzy at best, when I dwell on my unhappiness. I overlay my pain with the future and even though God has blessed me with some bright hopes… I forget them, or I minimize them. Really, when I am honest, I am choosing unbelief. I WANT to see God bring a bright future (even in what earthly life I have left), to restore joy and relationship, but there is still a lot of rubble I am stumbling through. This hampers my faith. HOW I FIGHT IT: I must saturate my thinking with the vision of the Kingdom to come! That is my hope! That is my future! That is what God will remake this life to experience.