disheartened

Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Mark 10:22

This is one of the most tragic responses in all of the gospels. A rich young man came to Jesus with the right question: What must I do to inherit eternal life? Jesus responded with the answer the young man was expecting: Keep the Law. And the young man rather naively claimed to be doing so. You can hear the legalistic rigor in his answer.

That’s when Jesus pressed in beyond mere external religion to get to the heart’s real situation: Sell all you have, give it away to the poor, and follow me. This was a legitimate call to discipleship. All the other disciples had left their livelihoods. Peter, Andrew, James, and John abandoned their nets and boats at the lakeshore and followed Jesus. Matthew left his tax booth behind him. That’s what a disciple should do… we value Jesus supremely. But Jesus, by this invitation, uncovered a collision of values that left the rich young man’s true heart desires exposed. Ultimately “this life” was valued more than eternal life for him.

The young man was disheartened. That’s a word we don’t use much anymore. It means in today’s vernacular to lose determination or confidence. By refusing to let go of his security to desire wealth and surrender instead to a humble life of dependence upon Christ while learning from Him, he revealed that he already had another master: wealth. The young man was already a disciple of possessions. Yet, rejecting Jesus made him sad. He knew riches weren’t going to last, but he chose the sorrow of worldly wealth over the joy of eternal wealth in Jesus. He would rather be depressed with what he did know and want than to risk it following in faith.

This story makes me think about how often we do the very same thing. And frankly, when I am “disheartened” or “depressed” it is always at this same heart level. In this life there is always a war going on in my heart. I feel its explosions and attacks quite regularly. As a pastor I run into active battles others are caught in as the live fire of this conflict rages with their desires. And I have to face it in my own heart when things don’t happen like I want them to… and this happens a lot! 

This war is a war between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of self. And when I align with my selfish kingdom, I am always at some point disheartened. My self thinks that what it wants is “great” — just like this rich young man considered “great possessions” better than Jesus and following Him. Like him, I can think material things are the answer. This is disheartening. I can crave acceptance from others and place a demand that all people like me or else I am unhappy. This people pleasing is just another kingdom of self battle for me. I know I am a people-pleaser. It too is disheartening. I sadly want many things more than Jesus sometimes. When I realize this I need to repent and reach out to my Master.

Lord Jesus,

Only a life of following You brings joy. I believe and I know this… forgive my disheartened rejection of You. Bring me to deny myself and follow my Master. I am tired of being disheartened. 

Amen