my small wait

I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge— even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you— so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ…

1 Corinthians 1:4-7

All present waiting has both a past and a future. There is a past enriched by the grace of Jesus Christ. There is a future focused on the coming kingdom of Christ. Present waiting should keep both of these firmly in view.

My past is enriched by the grace of Christ. Just like Paul praised God for what He had blessed in the church at Corinth, so I can see the same blessings in my life. God’s gracious fingerprints are all over my story! He has blessed me immensely in many years of living in the faith of the gospel. My life is rooted in Jesus, transformed and led by grace. In every way I am spiritually enriched, even embarrassingly so. God is making me, growing me, maturing me, and despite my broken, stubborn heart. God is using my life even as I still figure out this waiting thing! I lack no good gift of His good grace!

I have been in what seems like a long season of temporary waiting, put on what feels like extremely annoying “hold” by God as I converse with Him. This condition of being widowed has six distinct seasons that have emerged in 2023: 1) sickness, 2) shock, 3) sorrow, 4) survival, 5) solo, and 6) settled. Although from season 2 on it has been something of a sliding continuum, I feel like I am comfortable now in a contented solo season and moving toward being settled into a new present… seeing a hopeful future. God is using these circumstances to show me through His Word and in the gifts He has bestowed upon me what He has now so that I am trusting what His grace has waiting for me next.

But I must wait most for the even bigger picture… far more important than the lessons of being widowed. I must shift my focus away from my small relational situation and lifestyle arrangements. What is that bigger picture? Jesus is on the horizon of human history. He is standing ready to be the Judge of all the earth and to set-up His kingdom. I wait for that day the most. My “little” personal season of waiting is virtually insignificant in comparison to the gracious perspective He gives in the light of His coming kingdom.

Lord,

You hear my prayers. You know I have begged for my soul to be settled and content again in all this loss and change. And yet now, I realize that the vision of Your Kingdom puts that all in proper perspective. May my soul truly long and wait for that above all other waiting I am currently doing. I trust Your grace. You have poured it all over me again and again. And You are making from even my pain a purpose to make Yourself known so that Your kingdom will come and Your will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven. I will wait. I will tell my heart to confidently and faithfully wait.

Amen