Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know the man.” And immediately the rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.
Matthew 26:74-75
I am thankful that the scriptures so accurately record the failures of human beings even as they try to obey and follow God. Here is Peter who on one hand is trying to see from a distance what is happening to Jesus during His trial, while on the other hand in fear and shame denies even knowing Jesus when confronted... he does this THREE times. He is so much like all of us. Our hearts are a patchwork of belief and denial, of bravery and treachery.
It isn’t easy to follow Jesus. And at times our sinful self protection will pull us away from truly being the disciples we should be. How like Peter are my convenient denials. I am quick to do them without thinking. I quietly go along with my heart telling me not to speak up, not wanting to upset a situation. I feel the prompt of the Holy Spirit to talk about Jesus with a friend, but then choke it down in disobedience with my sinful self rushing in with a hundred denying excuses that show my unwillingness to risk my pride to obey the Lord for the sake of the gospel. How like Peter are my regular denials!
Peter went out at the rooster’s crowing and bitterly wept over his own pride and foolishness. He still loved the Master he denied. Do I repent with the same deep feeling? Do I turn from my denials to be a bold believer? Do I love Jesus enough to truly grieve and repent from my own attempts at being like everybody else when Jesus has commanded me to follow Him and be His disciple so that the world can see Jesus in me? These pressing questions call me to yield to the authority of my Lord, to listen to and obey His Word, and to move beyond the grief over my divided heart to the joy of obeying and living in Christ.
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