my own questioning heart

 

When Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answered them, “Why do you question in your hearts?"

Luke 5:22

There are times when Jesus might very well ask me the same question. I sometimes question and entertain doubts about Him or the Christian faith. It isn't frequent, but it does happen. This does not mean I am not a Christian. It does however mean that being one is never easy. Anyone who tells you faith in Jesus is easy, with no difficulties or intellectual or spiritual challenges, is not being truthful with you. Faith is challenged by the world. For me, that challenge is complicated by my own sinful warp.

Here's what I mean... Jesus is perfect. He is clear. Jesus is level, straight, and true. I am a sinner, twisted and warped, crippled in ways that I don't even know fully. I've walked all my life with a severe sin limp and never really known that I have. But the gospel shows me my brokenness and in Jesus I see truth. But this is so contrary to my sinful wants and the combined sin warp of the world around me that I sometimes question it. It stands out as the one "not warped" thing in a warped world and that makes me ask questions when I am stuck in sin. Yes, it is nearly always some kind of sin in me that makes the questions become the priority. I know that.

Jesus silenced the questioning hearts of the Pharisees by healing a paralyzed man AND forgiving his sin. In fact, Jesus specifically healed him to prove He alone could forgive sin because He is God. By doing so, he both raised and answered questions. And that is what He does in me, I suppose. He answers questions I desperately need the answer for. And He raises more as I see what He does and Who He is, and my sinful self reacts with that insight. I choose to lean hard into trusting Jesus, and will not let my questions keep me from Him. I will bring my questions to Him rather than holding them in my heart to only influence my will. I know He is the answer. Jesus brings life!